Marrying Mr. Darcy by Kate O'Keeffe

Author:Kate O'Keeffe [O'Keeffe, Kate]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Wild Lime Books
Published: 2020-11-09T23:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 13

“Penn, I so miss you,” I say down into the phone from the window seat in our bedroom. Outside, the flowers are in full late-summer bloom despite the gloomy, gray day. I watch as Geraldine and Jemima walk slowly through the rose garden together, and I can guess what they’re talking about.

Me.

Me and my huge social gaffe, to be specific.

“Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s not. I hit a stumbling block and ended up firmly stuck in the toilet.”

“Do you think you could be less cryptic? I’ve got so much to do to get this next order ready to go out, and I was up until two in the morning last night.” She adds a yawn to emphasize her point.

With a pang of guilt that I should be there to help, I fill her in on the art gallery disaster.

“You fell in a toilet?” she asks as she lets out a hearty laugh. “Oh, Em, that is hilarious!”

“No, it’s not,” I rebuke. “It’s a disaster.”

“Oh, you’re right. I’m sorry. I just had a funny image in my head, that’s all.”

Penny’s laugh is infectious, and before long, despite myself, I begin to giggle.

“Everyone saw it, this girl falling backwards into a toilet filled with pink gooey stuff that squirted all over everything.”

“There was pink gooey stuff?” she asks with a fresh chortle.

“Oh, yeah. You should have heard the deeply embarrassing sucking sounds my thighs made as they got detached from the sides of the bowl as Zara and Jilly pulled me out.”

Penny loses it once more. “Sucking sounds? Oh, Em!”

“Not elegant and not ladylike. I need one of those memory erasing sticks from the Men in Black movies.”

“Sure, I’ll send one right over.”

“It got in the media here.”

“Oh, no. Not after all the bad press you’ve got for Seb choosing you.”

“Oh, they loved this, I can tell you that.”

“Don’t read it. That’s my advice.”

“Well, that’s not all.” I tell her about the fact Heather McCabe won’t do Saving Pemberley with me in it, and she’s appropriately outraged on my behalf. As she should be. Penny’s been my bestie since our first week at college.

“To sum up, the media thinks I’m a laughingstock, Seb is refusing to do the show without me, which means no show, and I’ve got his granny out for my blood. It’s super fun to be me right now.”

“Oh, girl. That sucks. Maybe you could use the whole falling into a toilet thing to market Timothy.”

“What, like, if you’re gonna fall into a toilet bowl in front of your future in-laws, make sure you’re wearing activewear by Timothy?”

Her giggle ends in a snort. “I was thinking you could be self-deprecating about it all, you know? Leave voicemails for these purchasing managers who refuse to take your calls, asking them if they want to meet the girl who famously fell in a toilet full of goop.”

“I’m not sure I want to be known as that.”

“Emma Goop Brady sounds so good to me.”

I let out a resigned puff of air. “Jokes aside, I just don’t know if I can come back from this with Seb’s granny.

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